Relentless Pursuit

If you could do anything in life with a guarantee of success, what would you do? If you’re like me you probably have about three or four things you would like to do throughout your lifetime. But for me, the deeper question is; “What does God want me to do?” In my last blog (Calling Vs Purpose), I talked about how we were created for the presence of God (our purpose) and how that directly correlates with whatever calling God has directed us in. But that question of what God wants me to do seems to never leave. Maybe you’re in the same boat, or maybe you’ve been through this before. Either way, I want to tell you some of my story and how God has been directing my life in this area.

About two years ago, I was living in Texas attending the Honor Academy. I had been wrestling with what I should pursue in life for a few months and I didn’t see any direction from God. One day I was in my room alone talking to God, and I asked Him; “What do you want me to do?” To be honest, I had asked that question so many times I didn’t expect an answer. I was pacing back and forth in my room and I happened to glance over to the wall by my bed. On the wall was a picture of me holding a little girl named Karla who I had met during my mission trip to Mexico the previous summer. Right then it felt like time froze and I heard God tell me to start an orphanage. At first I was a little confused because I had never thought of that before, but then I became really excited. Everything started to make sense. For the first time in my life I felt like I had clear direction from the Lord. I decided not to tell anyone because I wanted the Lord to confirm it through somebody else. Sure enough, not even twenty-four hours later He did through a friend who had no idea. I was so excited I just didn’t know where to channel that excitement and passion. I told a lot of my close friends and family how God had revealed this to me. Everyone was so supportive and excited for me. I began to pray and dig into maybe where the Lord would lead me to accomplish all of this. Several months later I met David Nelson after he spoke at a chapel service at the Honor Academy. He told me how he and his brothers had started a non-profit organization in Haiti called “IMME” and told me to take a trip to Haiti and see how God is using them to end the orphan cycle. I went to Haiti about 8 months later and I knew immediately that I needed to be there longer. Three and a half months after my first trip, I was living in Haiti. I committed to a summer internship where I would help with Facilities/Maintenance work and also helping assist teams throughout the summer. I spent about three months at home after the summer and two weeks ago I moved back here to Haiti to serve on staff full time. All along I’ve felt the Lord’s direction and I know I am where He has placed me and wants me to be. But I have to admit that the more time I spend here, the more I see how there’s way more to ending the orphan cycle than just changing diapers and feeding children. Those things are absolutely necessary but to truly change this cycle so more kids don’t end up abandoned we have got to be proactive and invest in ways that will empower individuals and families to be the change in their country. Basically, there’s a lot more to it than you might think, certainly more than I thought. The glaring question came back to me over and over, “What are you going to do about it?” All of the sudden I felt so much pressure, pressure to execute what had been spoken over my life. After all, if I don’t start an orphanage and do this the right way how will my family and friends look at me? Everyone who knows me and knows what God has told me will look at me as a failure. More importantly what would God think of me? Well you might be wondering; why in the world would I put this out there for anyone to read? Wouldn’t that just add to the pressure? Yeah, it definitely would but God spoke truth into my heart the other night and I want to share that with you.

My identity and self worth was twisted. It was as if I had to prove that God didn’t make a mistake by creating me. I kept thinking, “If I fail, I’m a mistake.“ When in reality I was not created to start an orphanage. If I was created for that, what were Adam and Eve created for? We were created for the same purpose, to live in a place of complete love, trust, and peace in an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. How silly would it be for me to marry a girl because of what job she might have? Yet I thought Jesus would only want me as long as I was obedient and did a good job. In the same regards, Jesus has married us because of His love for us. He’s called us to good works and deeds, but He didn’t create us for them.

What I’m seeing now is that it’s not on me to start an orphanage. That weight is not for me to carry. I will continue to enjoy the relationship I have with my Savior and the journey He has me on. Maybe you can relate with me or maybe you’re in a different place, that’s okay. The truth remains the same though, you are of upmost value and worth regardless of what you’ve done, are doing, or will do because of the love of Jesus that was poured out on the cross of Salvation. He paid the highest price for you which makes you about as valuable as anything can be. Don’t find your worth in what you do and how others view you. Trust me, that weight is far too heavy for any of us to carry. Life is too short to be weighed down by the fears of man.

 

In a world of unknowns, Jesus is the only constant, sure thing I know of. I’ve been going through this process of seeking God for direction for my future. I found direction, just not the kind I was looking for initially. What I have received is a reminder of my purpose.

I’ve put so much stock into my calling and I’ve neglected my purpose. My calling and my purpose are not the same things. It’s easy to confuse the two because when we hear and see God show us our callings, we get so excited and often act prematurely. In doing so we forget that our purpose is to walk in intimacy with our loving Creator and allow Him to lead us into our calling in His timing. I don’t know what my calling completely consists of, but I know it’s intertwined with orphans. I was praying about this the other night and I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that He’s allowed nearly everything in my life to have a question mark behind it. What does that mean? Well, I have desires to finish my education, I have desires to spend a year away from everything else and just reside with Jesus, and I have desires to continue pouring my heart out here in Haiti. So what am I suppose to be doing right now? Or is it something completely different and new? My heart is torn because I wish I could do everything at once. But as I was praying I kept hearing the Holy Spirit tell me not to pursue my calling, but rather my purpose. Scripture says to seek the Kingdom of Heaven first and all these things will be added to you. It’s as if we think we will find God when we pursue our calling instead of finding Him first and letting His work in your life become the overflow and dictate your calling. We get it switched around and this can be such a hindrance in our lives as believers if we don’t realize it. How often do we take our calling and let it consume our thoughts, actions, and time? All the while letting our purpose (relationship with God) come second in line. I’m certainly not saying that God hasn’t given you desires and dreams for your calling and your life (and we need to steward those gifts), but he never intended for those things to be distractions drawing you away from your Creator who desires ultimate transparency and intimacy. Satan knows that if he can keep us occupied by doing good “Christian” things and pursuing that as if it’s the only reason we’re alive, well he knows that he’s winning. As long as our relationship with Christ isn’t thriving Satan couldn’t care less what you’re doing. Because He knows that your relationship with Christ is the foundation for whatever calling God has placed on your life. That’s why God has clouded my future for the time being, because quite simply, my future is not what matters right now. I’ve felt the Lord tell me I need to have peace about whatever happens next for me. Because you see, there is something completely wrong if I find my peace in what I’m doing rather than who is walking this journey with me. Jesus is peace, not my dreams and desires.

What if Gods purpose and desire for your life was not to start a worldwide movement through you? What if instead, it was to lock eyes with your Creator and enjoy His presence? It seems unrealistic and unattainable for a lot of us because it’s not “practical”, but this is the reason we were created. We were created to be loved, and to become love. And who knows…God may start a worldwide movement through you. But whether He does or not it’s beside the point. Don’t strive to produce fruit. Abide in His presence and enjoy being a Son and Daughter of God Himself.

I believe with my whole heart as I seek Him and His presence first, my dreams will become reality and He will give me the wisdom and direction I need to make the decisions I am faced with. In the end God uses your calling to draw you even closer to Him. It ALWAYS comes back to Him. Jesus. In a world of unknowns, Jesus is the only constant, sure thing I know of.

Freedom – the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved. God has recently knocked me off my rocker with this word. What does it mean to be free? Like truly free? We’ve all probably heard this question asked before and come up with our own version of what we think it means to be free. I’ll be honest with you, I’m just now starting to understand what it means and learning how to walk in it. Through some recent conversations with my cousin Josh and some sermons from a guy named Todd White God really started speaking to me about my identity in Him and the truth in His Word. So I’m just going to share what is on my heart and I hope it will light somebody on fire like it did to me.

The Bible says Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Every time he comes to you, he will always lie to you. The problem is we don’t always know that he’s lying to us. I mean yeah, we know he lies, we just don’t know his voice all the time. Sometimes we think it’s our own conscience, or imagination telling us when really it’s Satan himself. Satan will quote Scripture to us like nobody’s business. He tries to disguise himself in ways ‘that seem right to a man.’ If you don’t know God it will almost be impossible to know Satan’s voice. The only way to know what a lie is, is to know what truth is. We don’t realize how often Satan lies to us and we don’t understand how much it affects us. When Jesus died on the cross He said, ‘it is finished.’ He didn’t say ‘to be continued.’ In that moment he conquered sin, he paid the price that was owed for us. He set us free from sin and free from ourselves. He brought us back into our original nature, the way we were created in the garden. Perfect, as He is perfect. Now Christ lives in us and our lives are no longer about us. We’ve been crucified with Him and it’s no longer us who live but Christ who lives in us. Can you honestly look in the mirror and say you’re perfect? Or do you say, “you know, I’m human and I make mistakes but I’m trying my best and when I’m in Heaven then finally I won’t have to struggle anymore.” Guys, that’s not the Gospel. If you’ve died to yourself then you don’t have that sin nature inside of you anymore. You can’t use the excuse that you’re still human and nobody is perfect. Jesus is perfect, and He now lives in you so you are perfect. Some of you reading this already feel conflict in your heart and don’t believe what I’m saying is true. Remember, Satan is lying. He will tell you this isn’t true because it doesn’t line up with your experience. If I’m perfect than why do I still make mistakes? If I’m perfect why don’t I feel like it? These are questions Satan used to always get me on. Christianity is not about feeling perfect. I still don’t feel perfect all the time but it really doesn’t matter because I know I am. Feelings have nothing to do with this. That’s why we walk by faith knowing who our Father is and who He has made us to be. Don’t shortchange Jesus and the work of the cross by saying you’re a work in progress. He set you free right now, not just in Heaven.

It scares me that we’ve used Heaven as a crutch to excuse the lives we live on earth. Everything we will have in Heaven we have right now. The moment you rely on Christ as your Savior and believe in Him you enter into eternal life. That’s what Galatians 2:20 is talking about. It’s not us living anymore so it’s not about us. The Gospel did not just give us a way to Heaven; it gave us a way to the Father. Christianity is so much bigger than Heaven. It’s also about Heaven coming to earth. Live from the freedom you have as a Son and Daughter of the King. Who the Son sets free is free indeed.

Have you ever felt like you’re the only one going through a trial and no one else can relate with you? I’m sure you have. I’m sure we all have at some point. I’m hoping this blog can bless someone who may be going through the same things that I’ve been going through the last while.

It seems as if no matter what I plan to do with my life, God always shatters my plans. To be honest, it doesn’t really upset me but it’s frustrating at times because it leaves me confused with a lack of direction. And for me, that’s hard because I want to know where my life is going, who is going to be with me, and when will all of this happen. I want to know every detail so that I can remind myself of what God will do when I feel impatient or lost. But not understanding what He’s doing or knowing where He’s leading you makes it hard to have faith in the future, to have faith in the unseen.

The Lord gave me a picture awhile ago. I was standing on a path and Jesus was beside me. But then Jesus moved, He stood directly in front of me. I couldn’t see anything but Him. I was confused, “God, why are you standing in front of me?” Because we often think that with God by our side we’re going to change the world! But when God stands directly in front of you, what will you do? Where will you go? What do you see? In a moment I realized why Jesus was standing in front of me. First off, He was protecting me. From what? I don’t know, and I might never know. But here is what I do know; He wants my eyes to only be on Him, to not worry about where the road leads ahead or what might be waiting for us. He wants my undivided attention, He wants my faith. You may disagree with me, but I believe that the main things in life are not what we do, where we go, and who goes with us. I believe the purpose of our lives is to walk with God. I know it sounds simple, but I really think God isn’t as concerned about the road we walk down as much as He is about walking with us. When you walk with God, it’s a step by step process. Every day, every week, every decision you make whether small or big, is about trusting and walking with Him. He doesn’t need you to change the world, He wants to have your entire heart. And when this is your focus and daily life, one day you will wake up at 85 years old and look back over what He did in you and through you without you ever really realizing it. But the thing that you will hold dear to your heart is not all the accomplishments you made along the way, it will be the intimacy and the reality of an abundant relationship with Jesus Christ.

Lastly, if you feel discouraged because you don’t see Jesus moving in your life, have faith in the unseen. John 20:29 Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  Jesus is talking to Thomas about his doubt. But I think Jesus also has a message for us here. Maybe you can’t see Him moving but have faith because blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed. Put your faith in Him, don’t look at the road just look at Him. He has not abandoned you.

I’m not usually one to sit down and write what’s on my mind very often, however my heart has recently been burdened by something that affects us all, freedom. I’m not talking about the freedom of our country, freedom of speech, or anything of the sort. I’m referring to a spiritual freedom in our heart that Jesus has made available to every human being. To be honest, I had been somewhat confused about the freedom that Jesus offers us and how to obtain that.

Life as we know it is a daily struggle and especially for us Believers. As a Christian we’re taught to fight against sin and the temptations of this world. People are looking at the example we set just waiting for us to make a mistake because after all, we are a “Christian.” The response from many of us is to fight as hard as we can, sin as little as possible, and even sometimes cover up the sin we do commit. Here’s where my confusion comes in. I hear people say, “man, we just gotta keep fighting sin and one day we’ll overcome it.” But then I hear other people say, “the chains are broken! I’ve been set free!” So which is it? Does freedom come from us fighting? Is our righteousness defined by us fighting sin and hopefully one day overcoming it (by the power of Christ of course)?

Freedom from sin, freedom from your sinful nature, and freedom from the world does not come from you fighting. In fact, there is nothing within yourself to free yourself. That means even your own grit, determination, and willpower to walk away from your continual pattern of sin will never set you free. You can fight your whole life and never have victory. So I say all of that to say this; “If Jesus conquered sin on the cross, why are you still fighting it?” Isn’t that almost like saying the death that Jesus died on the cross just wasn’t quite good enough? Or think about this illustration. Judas and his men came to capture Jesus one night and what was Peters response to their threat? To fight! He whipped out his sword and cut off a mans ear. No doubt Peter was thinking (Okay Lord, we’re going to fight for you! We love you too much to let them do this to you!). That’s just a typical human response. When we fall in sin is that not often what we do? I know I have. I say, “Okay Lord, I’m sorry. I’m not going to do that again. I love you too much to hurt you like that. I’m going to try harder, I’m going to fight with all of my strength to honor you!” But what was the response of Jesus to Peter? Matthew 26:52  Then Jesus said to him, Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword. I think it’s fair to say Jesus is clear that if we make our lives about fighting sin and trying our hardest, we will die with our feeble attempts to become righteous. Resist sin, do not fight it. How do you do that? When you are consumed with the love and grace that Jesus has faithfully shown you. In essence, you’ll be more consumed by what Jesus did for you, then what you did for Him.

Jesus fought and conquered sin for you because He knew you couldn’t. Jesus did for us what we could not do for ourselves. That’s the Gospel. So back to freedom now. When Jesus died He said, “it is finished.” That’s the Good News my friends! Our freedom has been purchased by the blood of Christ! We are free! I don’t care what your physical circumstances tell you, YOU are free. Do not wrap tight around you the chains that the love of Christ has broken. So my friends, put away your sword. You can not and did not set yourself free. You are free because of Him and Him alone.